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09:09 pm
[Link] | Do you ever feel like you are constantly losing things even if they were never really yours in the first place? That's how everything is going lately. I got sent home from work today at 9:30 in the morning because my manger Katie said that I looked terrible and that i should be in bed. I was suppost to be in bed all last week and the never happened it was probably my most busy week yet. I have to go back to the doctor tomarrow and I really really really don't want to go.
I had an awesome night last night with Kelsey and Jess I laughed sooooo much. You girls are really great.
I feel like I've lost you. Even though you said that that would never happen. We haven't spoken in what seems like weeks you even agreed with me. I tried calling you. I think it's just come to the point where you or well we have to much going on to see each other even if we are supposable one of eachothers best friends. Should I just wait until your ready to talk? You know who you are will you either call me or even leave a comment it can be anomously I don't care I just want to know what's going on?
Current Mood:  lonely
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10:25 am
[Link] |
I love my friends
Oh man I had a lot of fun last night. I think that is the hardest I have ever seen Kristin laugh before. Rae I love how you had an epifany and you don't know what it is. I love how Jacki was choking for 2 mins and I was the only one who noticed and I had a look of complete horror on my face. I loved amandas idea for kidnapping Robby. I love how Jenn comes up with the craziest things in the world. I love how Robby gets a kick out of the small things in life. i love how Matt pretend to hate eachother. Everyone made last night a very awesome night. I'll see you all tonight goodbye loves.
Oh and I love all my other friends too you guys just weren't there last night.
one thing I do miss though is some of the friends that I've lost.
I'm really glad that a one Miss Samantha Wellman and I are hanging out again she makes me laugh sooo hard.
Current Mood:  happy
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04:19 pm
[Link] | 
You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.
Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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06:07 pm
[Link] | Working at the pool definatly has some perks ;) haha oh man so i had work from like 10-12 today it wasn't bad i was suppost to go back at like 5 but i didn't oops! meh I'll go tomarrow. There is a really hot guy who also teaches lessons there and oh man haha soo hot! On sunday the pump broke in the main pool so this morning all the lessons were outside, but tonight it would have been to cold so all of them were canceled so there weren't any adds for the lower levels and certain people got stuck with like 8 kids in a class i feel really bad for them i remember what that is like. ugh so once I came home from the pool i slept from like 12-6 oh man it was like the best sleep ever. lol I don't remember my dream but it doesn't matter it was just so great.haha wow i'm a geek.
In the words of Pat give me a ringy dingy if you want to do something tonight lol.
Current Mood: cheerful
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12:37 am
[Link] | Tonight was fun.
Rae made up a rhyme while making macaroni and cheese and it goes:
Something sour
Something sweet
bring me a guy who isn't a creep
Orginally instead of "creep" it was "geek" but creep is better. It was really funny.
Today Rae and I went rollarblading all over the place it was great and at one point we sat down by 7-11 and we found a baby praying mantus and Rae was like poor thing it's going to die I was like oook. She said that when they mate the female bite the head off of the male. Rae and I both decided it should work that way for humans too. haha
I get to see my nephew Jack tomarrow I'm so excited he is the coolest kid ever! I also have to wake up at like 6:30 tomarrow to leave for Wisconsin for the day ugh, but that's ok because I get to see family and ride the jetski whoo-hoo
Current Mood: chipper
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11:50 pm
[Link] |
Fighting back the tears and every urge to Van Gogh both our ears
Tonight was pretty fun. Thanks for having me over Amanda. I'm so sick of like some of the buLlshit that goes on I think I'm just going to stick to hanging out with the girls for a while it would make everything easier. I hate the feeling of being torn and that is exactly how i have felt since school has gotten out. it's always about different people, but it doesn't matter who it's about it's Just a crappy way to fEel.
Cause if assholes could fly
This place would be busier than O'Hare
Current Mood: torn
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02:50 pm
[Link] |
Everyone should reaad this
christian is just learning to speak, he unravels over the phone like a sweater
he's loyal to the wrong friend, he's in love with the wrong girl
he's destroyed by the rest of the world...
christian keeps a box under his bed, he whispers in his sleep
he always carrys his passport with him in case he has to suddenly disappear
it's taken him a year to trust me
sometimes when he thinks no ones looking he touches the scars on his throat
where she nearly clawed him to death
"i parked outside her house today" he says, "i didn't go in,
i didn't want her to see me..."
"i don't know what i wanted but this hurts", he says,
"it hurts outloud, i can hold it in my hands and it's so heavy", he crys, "it's just so heavy"
christian boils down his days to coffee, calls, errends, bills, regrets, daydreams, drinks, crying fits, phone calls, nightmares...
one night he falls onto a strange new blanket of skin
he tells me later that things are better
"dont worry about me now", he says, "im getting it somewhere else now"
in 2 days he's brital again,
the kind of boy who chips away at his skin just to see how little it takes to leave a mark
"was it like this before?" he asks, "will it be like this forever??"
i cant choke out a yes
long distance is too far away to risk a suicide
on his way to a date with some internet girl, he gets a message on his pager
she cancels his chance, ending his night before its begun
he calls me from a payphone halfway across the world and says
"im all messed up, with no place to go."
the lions pick their teeth clean with your bones
"christian, your only crime is that you fell in love with a lion"
i hear the catch in his voice and he breaks down tearing away like silk
"i just dont want to go home, i just dont want to go home alone", he whispers...
as if the oxygen costs too much
if only i could reach across the country to the dark parking lot where hes falling apart
a piece at a time
"lions smell your blood, and breathe in your dust
if they destroy you christian, its because they must
and the little god, with the broken head, and the broken heart
sighs and beats the time"
"i have come to los angeles to die," he moans,
"i have come to los angeles to die"
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10:00 pm
[Link] |
you're all alone that is when you've got to be strong...
darn waking up at 7 sucked...luckily i got to sleep when i got home from the car. I had to set my alarm. and then i went to breakfast, how yummy...i was so freaking tired i wore my pjs. Then i got home and drove to red robin. Then i layed around some more...blaring my music of brand new. i eventually got ready for the day and got cleanly dressed fo pictures.
could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
so many times we just give it away, to someone who
someone who you met in bar or
the back of a car
i found a new love for emery again...take a listen...or just look at lyrics...cuz you may not like the screaming...its so great...makes me smile in that sad kinda way. I bought a burrito...i am addicted..that sucks. Curb Your Enthusiam greatest show ever...Larry David...genius. Hangout was okay...i should have just stayed home...its kinda like last night...i had a good time, but i know a place that would have been better...although last nights choices were very similar. tonight was the same but i don't know exactly what i would have done. I got tons of music on my computer now.
and for a moment you felt important but not in your heart
my self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
i know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
Tonight was fun. but i think i am going to stay up really really late...i'll just stare at my screen again. no big deal. i'll figure something out...maybe i'll watch back to the future...i have the trilogy, so i could go 6 hours and watch the whole freaking thing...those movies are so great. I don't know. i don't want to to talk to mysterious here...you will see later i suppose...so many lyrics...so little time.
i want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
so many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name
could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me
give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name
Steven Elliott Gasikowski
Current Mood: entertained
Current Music: Sensefield - Save Yourself
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03:42 pm
[Link] |
Drivers Ed sucks
That class is so rediculous the only thing I did was driver for a bit Jenn didn't even get a chance to do that. My driving is slowly getting better. A friend told me to picture it like a video game and I kinda have wow I'm a geek. After Drivers Ed I went out for a fabulous breakfast with Steve and Jenn they both had me laughing a lot. Steve dropped me off at home around 10:30 i went straight to bed and then I woke up around 3 haha it was great. I feel like I've missed out on so much. Well that's all kiddos I'll talk to you later.
If anyone feels like going to see the terminal tonight call me or leave a comment.
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: Band now
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11:33 pm
[Link] |
You've got me wrapped aroundd your finger
Was it just a game to you?
I miss him
Current Mood: lonely
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06:34 pm
[Link] | X all that apply:
( ) been drunk.
( ) smoked pot.
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex.
(X) rode in a taxi.
(X) been dumped.
( ) been fired.
(X) been in a fist fight.
( ) had a threesome - kissing or otherwise (woops?)
(X) snuck out of my parent's house.
( ) been arrested.
(X) made out with a stranger.
( ) stole something from my job.
( ) celebrated new years in times square.
( ) went on a blind date.
(X) lied to a friend.
( ) had a crush on a teacher.
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
( ) been to europe.
( ) skipped school.
a p p e a r a n c e
Height: 5'7"
Hair Color: brown
Skin color: pale plae white! and proud of it Sam and I blind people haha
Eye color: Blue
Piercings: 6 in my ears
r i g h t__n o w
What color are the pants that you are wearing? blue
What song are you listening to right now? Cranberries-Linger
What taste is in your mouth? gum
What's the weather like now? warm and breezy
How are you? Good I have headahce and I'm a little tired, but good
Get motion sickness? nope
Have a bad habit? yeah
Like to drive? nope I hate it
f a v o r i t e s
TV shows: simpsons, CSI
Conditioner: whatever is in the tub
Book: the perks of being a wallflower
nonalcoholic drink: virgin pina colatta
Thing to do on the weekend: sleep and hang out with my friends
h a v e__ y o u
Broken the law: yea but for moinor things
Ran away from home: no
Snuck out of the house: yea
Ever gone skinny dipping: nope
Ever tipped over a porta potty: no haha that would be so mean
Used your parents' credit card before: no
Fell asleep in shower/bath: yup quite often actually haha
Been in a school play: yup
l o v e
Children: This is a stupid question
Current crush: Don't have one
Been in love: Hard to say probably not
Been hurt: yep
Your greatest regret: I try not to regret things and i'm not going to say what I do
Gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: Yup I've done that twice now haha
r a n d o m
Do you have a job: yup i teach swim lessons whoo-hoo it's quite fun
Your cd player has in it right now: no cds it's broken
What makes you happy: I don't know lots of things
What's the next CD you're gonna get: Lawrence Arms
w h e n / w h a t__ w a s__ t h e__ l a s t
Time you cried: good question
Time you got a real letter: like, from a friend? last summer when Tom surprised me
Time you got e-mail: Today sometime
Thing you purchased: FOOD! mmmmmm...food..haha
Movie you saw in the theater: shrek 2, but I'm going to see Harry potter tonight with Coll yay!
y o u r__ t h o u g h t s__ o n
Abortion: hard to say
Teenage smoking: smoking in gerneral is disgusting
Spice Girls: oh god....
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: linger
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02:32 pm
[Link] |
The days begin and they don't end for weeks.
Leave me left out of anything to do with you.
I'm already sick of summer. I think I'm going to be a hermit yay. I'm so tired of rotary fest and everything having to do with it. Tonight there are fireworks which I probably won't attend oh well. Give me a call if you feel like doing something. Like going for a walk.
Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this
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04:46 pm
[Link] |
Hey darling
You gave me three cigarettes to smoke away the tears.
Current Mood:  apathetic
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01:04 am
[Link] |
I'll always remember you
Wow Rae thank you! thank you haha seriously i don't know how i would make it without you sometimes. oh and Pat thanks for letting me vent on the way home.
What a way to kick off the summer
I had a great time hanging out with the guys today. i haven't been to the pool in a long time. Crazy times at the tube slide haha. The night just started going down hill the moment i got home but meh i guess i'm feeling better now even though nothing has really be resolved oh well fuck it i don't care.
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
You're just like everyone.
Current Mood:  frustrated
Current Music: the science of selling yourself short-less than jake
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07:56 pm
[Link] | | How to make a goldielocks10 |
Ingredients:
3 parts anger
3 parts crazyiness
1 part instinct |
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little lovability if desired! |
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06:07 pm
[Link] | Oh man i'm sooooo tired I haven't even really done much I went to the mall with Linds. That's pretty much it. I need something to do or I'm going to fall asleep. If anyone feels like doing something tonight give me a call.
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: motioncity soundtrack
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06:19 pm
[Link] |
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate hair dye! My hair is way way way too dark! It looks almost black! egad! My lj pic is the color but my hair is still wet so hopefully it won;t be quite as dark.
Current Mood:  hopeful
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02:23 pm
[Link] | Shannon
LOVES
your mom | 03001
3301
631
94
| | Love Level: 94% |
Loves-O-MeterFrom Go-Quiz.com hahahahaha oh man that's great. Well I have to go find hair dye now ta ta haha what if I went around and talked in an english accent for the rest of the day that would be awesome haha. |
11:33 am
[Link] |
SAM did you see who i got as a dad!!!!!!!! Who could possibly be better hahaha. oh man I'm so tired I slept over at Amanda's last night twas fun. Linds, Jacki, Amanda, and I went and got Jamba juice too and these guys were hitting on us it was funny. After that we went to Amanda's house and decided to go for "a walk" haha so we went to Matt's house for a while. then we walked back and steve came with us. Always good.
Today is going to be a lazy day I'm going to clean my room whoo-hoo yay for me. Then I'm going to read some of catcher in the Rye and the rules of the road book thing ugh. I'm also going to go for a nice long run yay! It will probably start down pouring haha
call me f anyone has anything better to do.
I think I'm going to dye my hair dark again what do people think?
Current Mood: tired
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11:21 am
[Link] | I had an awesome night last night you girls are the coolest! I found a letter in and apparently I got into TDP so yay! I'm excited everyone is like cool what do you do in tdp and my only response is I don't know haha. Well I'm off to have a great day of rollarblading with Jacki give us a call if you would like to join us, or have something better to do haha. Bye!
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Wrong Way
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01:48 pm
[Link] | This sucks sooooooooo much. I need a job really badly, but any of the places I can go and apply at are too far away and I can get there with out driving and I can't drive until i get my licenses and have a car, but I can't have a car until I have the money from a job to pay for it!! I hate this so much what the hell am I suppsot to do? Elk Grove is a small town and you ethier need to be 18 to work in some places or the places that do hire 16 year old and full because all the 16 years work there. This is pissing me off so much. Not to metion i have my dad breathing down my neck about a freaking car when I don't even have my license AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hate this!
Current Mood: frustrated
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01:51 pm
[Link] |
That tells your new friends i am a visitor here...
I am not permanent
Tonight is relay and I'm hoping I have a lot of fun. It's going to be hard with all this shit going on wow I hate people it sucks so much. Today was the last day of school and normally i would be happy, but at this point i don't care I really don't.
A stranger with your door key explaining that i am just visiting
And i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving
Current Mood: sad
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07:12 pm
[Link] |
I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would admire
I really like the postal service, but I can see how it can get old quick. Oh man today finals really sucked. Then I went to taco bell and got pizza hut mmmmm pizza is like all i eat anymore that's not good. I've decieded that I'm going on a diet this summer, and I'm going to stick to it!!!!! I promise! ugh I really have to study for tomarrows finals I have world history and math it's going to be soooooo bad.
I'm soooo tired that's all I'm going to do tomarrow when I come home from finals tomarrow. I'm going to sleep and then go to relay!!!!! WHOO-HOO!!!!!!!! It's going to be so much fun I'm so proud of my team we raised a lot of money!
ok well I have to go study ugh BYE!
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Vasoline-Flaming Lips
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07:41 pm
[Link] | 
Stoner Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hahaha
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05:51 pm
[Link] | Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive
I had a wonderful walk with Rae today through the forest preserve I love the walks that we take. I really really don't want to take finals tomarrow I have three it sucks soooo much. I don't really have much to say.
Oh Rae can you bring that cd to school tomarrow so I can burn it? Thanks so much
Current Mood:  worried
Current Music: A warm place-nine inch nails
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05:22 pm
[Link] | 
Which Legendary Actress are you?
oh man she's so pretty! I wish I could look like her she's gorgous!
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10:17 pm
[Link] |
AHHHH I'M FREAKING OUT!!
Yea so It's 10 ish and um I'm jsut realizing that I'm so fucked for tomarrow I have to get to school early tomarrow and I hope to god that my Science teacher will be there because I need a teacher recomendation for tdp and of coarse I waited till the last second to get this done. While she is filling the form out I'm going to be studing for HER lab final which I have first period and I don't even know what's on it I haven't studied once!!! After all of that is done I have to run and turn it into Mr. Soderwall and then go down to some room and pay for drivers ed! I then have to do some more studing, and finish something for italian which I didn't do! I"M SO SCREWED!!!
Current Mood:  stressed
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08:50 pm
[Link] | I got a poke a dot skirt today for 10 bucks it makes me happy. I'm totally not doing any type of studying right now which is really bad considering I have a final for science tomarrow oh crap. I'm really tired and I still ahve this damn sinus infection I've had like 10 sudifed today I don't think that is good.
So I want to meet this Scott kid come on Matt you've got the hook up (me elbowing you going eh? eh??) haha I'm such a loser.
Oh man so I totally tripped going up the stairs today on my way to advisory I made a fool of my self and I stubbed my toe i'm so graceful :) well I'm going to go now goodbye all and have a wonderful evening!
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: 99 red balloons-goldfinger
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04:12 pm
[Link] |
Daughter by Nicole Blackman
one day i'll give birth to a tiny baby girl
and when she's born she'll scream and i'll make sure she never stops.
i will kiss her before i lay her down
and will tell her a story so she knows how it is and how it must be for her to survive.
i'll tell her about the power of water, the seduction of paper
the promise of gasoline, and the hope of blood.
i'll teach her to shave her eyebrows and mark her skin.
i'll teach her that her body is her greatest work of art.
i'll tell her to light things on fire and keep them burning.
i'll teach her that the fire will not consume her,that she must take it and use it.
i'll tell her to be tri-sexual, to try anything, to sleep with, fight with, pray with anyone,
just as long as she feels something.
i'll help her to do her best work when it rains.
i'll tell her to reinvent herself every 28 days.
i'll teach her to develop all her selves
the courageous ones, the smart ones, the dreaming ones, the fast ones
i'll teach her that she has an army inside her that can save her life.
i'll tell her to say "FUCK" like people say "THE"
and when people are shocked to ask them why they so fear a small quartet of letters.
i'll make sure she carries a pen so she can take down the evidence.
if she has no paper, i'll teach her to write everything down on her tongue,
to write it on her thighs.
i'll help her see that she will not find God
or salvation in a dark brick building built by dead men.
i'll explain to her it's better to regret the things she has done than the things she hasn't.
i'll teach her to write her manifestos on cocktail napkins.
i'll say she should make men lick her enterprise.
i'll teach her to talk hard.
i'll tell her that her skin is the most beautiful dress she will ever wear.
i'll tell her that people must earn the right to use her nickname,
that forced intimacy is an ugly thing.
i'll make her understand that she is worth more with her clothes on.
i'll tell her that when the words finally flow too fast and she has no use for a pen
that she must quit her job, run out of the house in her bathrobe, leaving the door open.
i'll teach her to follow the words.
i'll tell her to stand up and head for the door after she makes love.
when he asks her to stay she'll say she's got to go.
i'll tell her that when she first bleeds when she is a woman,
to go up to the roof at midnight, reach her hands up to the sky and scream.
i'll teach her to be whole, to be holy,
to be so much that she doesn't even need me anymore.
i'll tell her to go quickly and never come back.
i will make her stronger than me.
i'll say to her never forget what they did to you
and never let them know you remember.
i'll say to her never forget what they did to you
and never let them know you remember.
i'll say to her never forget what they did to you
and never let them know you remember
Current Mood:  quixotic
Current Music: yeah yeah yeahs
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08:22 am
[Link] | | goldielocks10's LJ stalker is mista_bibbles! | | mista_bibbles is stalking you because a little birdie told them you talked behind their back. They are also in jail for murder! |
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goldielocks10's journal